There's a scientific reason why your toddler craves screen time: Dopamine

Your 7-year-old is so absorbed in their video game that they don’t hear you call them for dinner. Now that you’re standing in front of them telling them to turn off the game immediately, they’re melting down. They just need “five more minutes.” Enter theatrics: You’re the worst parent ever.

Before you despair, know that there may be a scientific reason for your child’s outburst when you cut them off from something they love. They lose their burst of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that activates our brain’s pleasure pathways. 

“It's the brain's internal reward system,” says psychologist Olivia Grace, Ph.D. “When a child engages in an activity that releases dopamine, they're hit with a pleasant sensation, encouraging them to repeat that activity.” When that activity ends, panic ensues.

While dopamine itself isn’t a bad thing, parents are looking to combat some of the triggering habits and subsequent power struggles. Enter anti-dopamine parenting.

Here’s what you need to know about this style of parenting – and how you can help your kids find healthier, more sustainable sources of happiness in their day-to-day lives.

What is dopamine?

Long referred to as the “feel good hormone,” dopamine is a neurotransmitter, or chemical messenger, that gives us a feeling of near-instant gratification when we do something that triggers it. Dopamine can be a good thing, sparking our motivation and helping us pursue and achieve goals by creating a sense of anticipation or desire for the outcome, says psychiatrist Ryan Sultán, M.D. It’s dopamine, he explains, that inspires us to repeat healthful behaviors like eating a delicious, homemade meal or completing a challenging workout.

But the way we’ve collectively understood dopamine is a little misleading, says Dr. Sultán. Dopamine doesn’t really make you happy. “It’s a chemical that promotes desire or want – it pulls our attention towards activities or things that our brain perceives as valuable or rewarding.” And our understanding of dopamine in children is mostly speculative because it's difficult to study in children and most of the research involves animals. 

How does dopamine affect children?

Dopamine can be released in healthy ways in children through positive social interactions like sharing toys with classmates, or mastering a difficult task like completing a puzzle or learning to tie their shoes. But it’s also triggered through addictive behaviors like binge-watching TV, playing video games, or indulging in sweets. 

While dopamine itself isn’t harmful, the worry is that we don’t know the long-term implications of constantly triggering it, says Rosie Gellman, M.D., a pediatrician and psychiatrist. For kids whose brains are still growing and developing, excessive dopamine hits potentially set them up for failure when it comes to learning how to handle addictive activities in the future. 

What is anti-dopamine parenting?

Anti-dopamine parenting is essentially reducing excessive or inappropriate triggers of dopamine release: activities that may give our kids instant, but unsustainable, gratification.

Parents are trying to understand how certain activities may lead to an unhealthy spike in dopamine release, and working to encourage more balanced, steady dopamine responses.

The key word here is “balanced,” because the reality is that we live in a society that emphasizes instant gratification through technology and we can only shop for the foods made available to us. Although adults can make informed decisions about what we consume, many children may not be able to. 

Anti-dopamine parenting is not about eliminating all screens or every source of sugar; instead, it's limiting the frequency and duration of exposure to triggering activities, says Dr. Sultán. 

Signs your child might need more help regulating their dopamine response 

The most telling signs that your child is having an excessive dopamine response are behavioral, explains Dr. Sultán. Older kids may have a disrespectful attitude or refuse to follow directions in spite of a potential consequence. In younger children, irritability may look like whining, crying, or throwing a tantrum.

These behaviors need to be observed for them to be meaningful indicators of your child’s dopamine response, Dr. Sultán adds. Sometimes kids are just having a bad day, so one cupcake-induced tantrum isn’t necessarily a sign of a larger problem. 

Ways to implement anti-dopamine-parenting

We often rely on dopamine triggers like screen time and snack foods to help us get through long days of parenting. There’s no shame in that! But shifting some of these activities out of the “always” category into a “sometimes” one can have its benefits.

Here are some ways to incorporate anti-dopamine parenting strategies into your day-to-day life with your kids.

Slowly create a new routine

Cut screen time down by 10 to 15 minutes or eliminate one sweet treat each day. Then introduce wholesome dopamine activities instead, says Dr. Sultán, such as outdoor play, physical exercise, reading or making art. 

Exercise is not only beneficial for physical health, but is also a brilliant way to regulate neurotransmitter levels, including dopamine, says Dr. Grace. If your kids aren’t very physically active, encourage them to take a walk around the block, or play tag for 10 to 15 minutes in the yard. Eventually, you can increase exercise time.

It’s also important to encourage consistent, healthy sleep patterns, since sleep problems can adversely impact dopamine regulation, according to Dr. Grace.

Emphasize family time

When your kids do enjoy screen time, treats, and other dopamine-triggers, make it a family affair, suggests Dr. Gellman. Take a walk together to get ice cream, or designate one weeknight to playing a video game or watching a movie as a family. 

It’s also a good idea to shift gears away from activities that provide immediate gratification, says Dr. Grace. Encourage your child to engage in an activity that requires patience, like reading a book or starting a puzzle. 

And try not to reward kids with activities that produce instant gratification. Doing so can reinforce the idea that this type of satisfaction is more valuable than things that slowly engage them.