It's nearly impossible to get through a mindless TikTok scroll without hearing a mom share that she was shamed for what seems like simply existing in public with her children. It's like there's nowhere safe for parents – restaurants, playgrounds, airplanes, water parks are all ground zero for judgey strangers. Did we fall into some alternate universe social media algorithm, or is shaming as wide-spread as it seems? To find out, BabyCenter asked nearly 400 parents with at least one child under 5 if they were shamed for taking their child out in public and the results were disheartening.
Two in five women with children, or 43 percent, say they were shamed while in public spaces with their kids, including at cafes, stores – even attractions created specifically with children in mind, like casual restaurants, family-friendly drag story hours, and G-rated movies.
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"Unfortunately, parent shaming has been around for a long time," shares Kelley Yost Abrams, Ph.D., a developmental psychologist and member of the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board. "And society has seen an increase in shaming in lots of arenas, such as the way people express gender, their political views, and their parenting choices."
It's important to understand how common shaming can be, explains Yost Abrams. "Knowing that it happens to other parents can help you take it less personally and not feel so alone," she adds. "You aren't the only one this is happening to. This is a phenomenon that is happening in our society."
BabyCenter explored what type of shaming parents experienced the most and why some may go out of their way to shame others.
Casual restaurants rank first on the list of public places where parents are shamed
You'd think that taking your toddler to an Applebee's would be a safe space for young families. And yet, according to our survey, the top public places moms felt shamed included casual restaurants (13 percent) followed by movie theaters (9.4 percent). Fine dining establishments came in third (8.5 percent). Rounding out the top five public places were airplanes (7.4 percent), salons and weddings (5 percent each).
These places make up the majority of spots we take little kids. In fact, three-quarters of Millennial moms polled reported taking their baby or tot under 5 to a casual eatery, and more than half of Gen Z moms said the same.
Public breastfeeding tops the list of what moms say they're shamed for doing
Breastfeeding in public is legal in all 50 states, yet, unfortunately, not everyone is welcoming to how we feed our babies. Of the Gen Z'ers who were called out for bringing their baby to a public space in general, 1 in 3 say they had someone complain about their baby nursing.
Unfortunately, Millennials weren't immune to breastfeeding shaming either, as 18 percent also say they were shamed for nursing in a public place. The nursing complaints were more frequent for experienced moms (26 percent) than for new mothers (12 percent).
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The top parent shaming experiences are dirty looks and side glances
Side glances along with dirty looks were the most common shaming experiences (46 percent) reported by the hundreds of women polled. The next most frequent type of judging were complaints directed at moms related to their kids' behavior (31 percent).
Of those surveyed, Gen Z moms are more likely to have been shamed
Younger women reported being picked on more frequently than their older counterparts, the survey found. Of those who'd taken their under 5-year-old children to a public place, Gen Z moms were significantly more likely (60 percent) than Millennials (42 percent) to be the object of child-related shaming.
"It's natural for older generations to look at younger ones and question new ways of doing things that weren't around or common when they were younger," Yost Abrams says, "though sometimes the judging comes within the same peer group."
The science around child development and parenting has really changed over the past 20 years, she adds. "We know a lot more now about how the brain develops and ways that parents can support that development. Older generations may not be aware of these changes, which can lead to judgment or shaming."
Parent shaming exists because of insecurity
Social media has most likely contributed to all sorts of changes in our day-to-day IRL interactions, including people feeling more free to express their unsolicited opinions about others' individual choices, says Yost Abrams. But the root of parent shaming is very often based on another person's lack of confidence related to their own abilities.
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"Parent shaming typically arises out of insecurity, which means the one shaming may see something differently and then feel threatened by it in some way," she adds.
And instead of looking within to understand why we are having these feelings, "we lash out and think the other is ‘doing it wrong,'" she continues. Ultimately, mom shaming "is a self-protective mechanism, but it can have really negative consequences," she adds.
Remember: You're doing a great job
It's tough to handle a toddler tantrum in public without having to withstand a withering glance or snide comment. You're the best parent for your child, and nothing that a stranger says can change that. Continue to make the right decisions for your family, and strive to be confident in your choices.
Survey methodology
The Everyday Health Group Pregnancy & Parenting Talk to Moms® Monthly Poll was conducted by Everyday Health Group – Pregnancy and Parenting between June 1 and June 3, 2023. The survey, which was fielded by the Dynata Research Panel, queried 370 U.S. respondents ages 18–44 who have at least one child up to 5 years old.
