Why do toddlers throw things?

Why toddlers throw things

Throwing things is a fun, new activity for many toddlers. It takes fine motor skills to open the fingers and let go of an object, and considerable hand-eye coordination to actually throw it. No wonder your toddler wants to practice this exciting skill!

What happens next is educational, too: Your toddler discovers that whatever they throw falls down – never up. They can't say "gravity," but they can certainly observe its effects. If they throw a ball, it bounces. If they toss a plum, it goes "splat." Toddlers are like little scientists, constantly experimenting and learning.

Of course, for you it's maddening when spaghetti winds up all over your just-mopped kitchen floor or a clean pacifier lands on a dirty sidewalk – but to your toddler, it's all great fun, developmentally appropriate, and a good chance to cultivate new skills.

How to manage when your toddler throws things

Here's the bad news: You can't stop your toddler from throwing. It's a classic phase of toddler play and development – and part of their exploration of the world.

Unless there's a risk that your child will injure themself or others – or cause major damage, like a broken window – there's no need to stop the behavior or discipline your toddler.

Bottom line: It's an exercise in futility to try to stop your child from throwing at this age. Concentrate instead on limiting what they throw and where they throw it with these tips:

Show them what they can throw. Your toddler will learn what not to throw more quickly if there are lots of things that they are allowed – and even encouraged – to throw. Balls are an obvious choice (stocking up on foam balls will minimize accidents inside). But actual throwing games (like tossing bean bags in a basket or skipping stones on a pond) are even more fun for a toddler, especially if you play together.

The message you want to convey is that throwing things is fine if they throw the right things in the right place at the right time.

In many cases, you can teach this with a simple swap: When your toddler is trying to throw something inappropriate, like a shoe, take it from them and replace it with a ball, encouraging them to throw that instead. Show them a fun game, like throwing rolled-up socks into a laundry basket (and get your chores done at the same time).

Discourage their aggressive throwing. When your toddler does throw something they shouldn't – sand from the sandbox, for instance, or blocks at another child – intervene immediately.

If they're throwing things at other children because they're upset or frustrated, validate their feelings. Say, "I can see that you're feeling angry. Let's do something else until you're feeling better." Then offer a couple of alternatives they can choose from, like jumping up and down or squishing a pillow.

If your child often comes close to hurting other children by throwing things at them, it's important that you always react the same way, since toddlers learn through repetition.

It's okay to let them know you're unhappy with their behavior by your tone of voice – just don't let your anger influence your response. Try not to yell at your child, and never hit them – even if it's just their hand – to discourage them from throwing.

If your child keeps throwing things that could hurt or damage someone or something even after you've tried to deter them calmly and consistently, try keeping a closer eye on their toys and get rid of any that are problematic. You may also need to shadow your toddler more while they play.

Fasten toys to your child's seat. When your toddler is in their stroller or car seat, try attaching a few toys within easy reach (tie the toys with short pieces of string and trim the ends so they can't get wrapped around your child's neck). They'll quickly discover that in addition to throwing the objects, they can fish them back again. Double the fun for them with none of the work for you!

Clean up together. Don't ask your toddler to pick up everything they throw; that will feel too overwhelming for a child this age. Instead, try getting down on your hands and knees together and enlisting their help by saying, "Let's see how fast we can pick up the blocks together," or "Can you help me find the apple slices?"

Set a good example. You don't have to avoid casually tossing a pillow on the sofa to set a good example for your toddler. In fact, you can use the items you normally toss around your home to show them what's good to throw and what's not.

The next time they throw something they're not supposed to, take a tour of your house together and toss socks in the hamper, tissues in the wastebasket, and toys in the toy box.

What to do when your toddler throws food

Toddler food tossing is another favorite pastime in the "toddler throwing" stage of development. Follow these tips to minimize the clean-up and waste and get more of the good stuff into their mouths:

Sit with your child at mealtimes. This is a messy eating stage, but you can often avoid the worst of it by sitting with your toddler while they eat. That way you're right there to gently but firmly tell them no when they make a move to toss their lunch and to hold their plate down with your hands if need be.

Sitting with your child during meals can also help their development in other ways, improving their language and communication skills and teaching them safe eating by encouraging them to chew their food before swallowing so they don't choke.

Use toddler-proof dishes. The easiest way to prevent broken dishes – and injury – is by opting for toddler-safe bowls and plates, not your fine china. Try getting your toddler a special dish with suction cups that fasten to the table or highchair tray so they can't pick up the dish.

Keep in mind, though, that while these work well enough that a casual grab won't send their dish scuttling across the floor, they won't stop a child who's amazed to find their dish "stuck" and is determined to pry it off.

To minimize spills, give beverages in a cup with a lid and straw. You can also try handing your child the cup when they're ready for a drink, but keeping it out of reach between sips.

Stick to small portions. You'll waste less and your toddler will have less ammunition if you serve them tiny portions of finger foods and hold off on dishing up more until they've eaten what's there. In general, unless your child's pediatrician has concerns about their growth, avoid pushing your child to eat more than they want to.

Most kids don't start throwing their food until they've finished eating and grown bored. So no matter how much they've eaten, take your toddler's food-flinging as a sign that they've finished their meal. To avoid teaching them that flinging food is the right way to end a meal, calmly remind them, "Food isn't for throwing," before removing them from the table or highchair.

You might also want to say something like, "Food is for eating. All done! So let's put your lunch away." To let your child know you mean business, don't feed them again until the next meal or snack. You shouldn't have to rearrange your family's schedule, but it may help to feed your toddler only when they're hungry.

If a bit of food does escape your little one's hands, either by accident or on purpose, try to put it into perspective. After all, a dropped slice of bread or a pinch of grated cheese on the floor may be annoying, but we all drop things sometimes. And it's part of the fun of being – and having – a toddler!